


Love Is A Ten Letter Word [Vol. 1]

by dreamofmetonight



Series: Love Is A Ten Letter Word [1]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Brendon Urie - Freeform, Car Sex, Clothes, Crying, Death, Don't Enter If You Don't Have Tissues, Drugs, Dry Humping, Emo Elmo, Emotional, Falling In Love, Gay, Guilt, Guyliner, Heartbreak, Jon Walker - Freeform, Las Vegas, Lots of Crying, Love, M/M, Music, P!ATD, Panic at the Disco - Freeform, Panic! at the Disco - Freeform, Parties, Rosevest, Ryan Ross - Freeform, Spencer Smith - Freeform, Tissues will be needed, Unacceptance, Weed, William Beckett - Freeform, fashion - Freeform, patd - Freeform, patrick stump - Freeform, pete wentz - Freeform, smoothie hut, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-02-05
Packaged: 2018-01-09 05:44:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1142168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamofmetonight/pseuds/dreamofmetonight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My name is Ryan Ross, I work at Smoothie Hut, and I'm in love with Brendon Urie</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Vomit

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever slash fanfiction, and my first ever fanfiction on here! There will be probably be 4 Volumes all having to do with different topics in their relationship. I've already 14 chapters ahead, so I'll be posting every Monday, and Friday, and this WILL be a finished work. I love these characters too much to let go. Hope you enjoy my first ever slash fiction!

 

 

* * *

**CHAPTER 1: VOMIT**

The first thing I hear are loud and obnoxious police sirens, and what sounds like them trying to bang the door down with a battering ram.  I groan, and rub my eyes and eyebrows, trying to nurse an apparent headache, which is only heightened by the banging. It’s not exactly the best way to wake up, but I’ve had worse. Something crazy must have happened last night, but I’m not concerned with that right now. The police are my first concern. Even though I’ve been downtown too many times to count, I don’t feel like spending time with overweight men who stuff their faces with donuts, and coffee. At least not today. Any other day would be fine.

I take a chance and open up my eyes (god knows what I could have gotten myself into), and I’m immediately greeted with what looks like a wood ceiling that is covered in spider webs. I let out a small sigh. Thank God. It could have been a lot worse.

I wrinkle my nose as the aftermath of the party suddenly hit me, the lingering smell of pot, and booze creating a heavy perfume that was ready to gag me. So the party had been as crazy as I thought it may have been. I can’t really remember it though. This is normally what happens to me, waking up in strange places with not a small inclination of what happened the previous night. Dropping out of college, losing your best friend, and being kicked out of your house in a matter of a couple of years would completely destroy someone lesser than me. At least I’m just numbing it with weed and booze.

I groan, and decide that it’s best to get up, and figure out some way to elude the cops. Using my arms to prop myself up from the ground, and I carefully land on my feet. My sneakers squeak against the hardwood floor that is covered with a yellow looking substance. I’m pretty sure I pissed myself. I actually expected that. I don’t really have control of my body when I’m dead to the world. My vomit covered hoodie, and jeans are also a testament to that fact.

I scan the room, and realize that everyone must have left hours earlier before I regained consciousness. They must have left in a hurry though; they haven’t even cleaned up after themselves! God damn slobs.

I hear more pounding on the door, and my gaze slowly travels over to the door. I’m surprised that the door is withstanding the ram. I’m even more surprised that the police have not given up on this yet. At this point it’s kinda pathetic. I don’t understand why they would even want to get into _this_ party. The drugs they really want aren’t here, only beer and some weed. Sure, they take weed seriously, but not as serious as the new designer drugs.

The newest designer drugs they want are Amorephine (at least that’s the street name for it; I’ve seen on TV that the scientific word for it is Aphrorie) and Eruie. The drugs are like a love potion in a bottle. Amorephine has been rumored to increase the love that someone feels for someone. And its sister drug, Eruie, is supposed to do the complete opposite; pure hatred. The drugs are designed so simple that it could be slipped into a drink, or even given. Whoever discovered these two poisons thought it would so awesome to make the drugs look like candy hearts. And of course they named the drugs after the goddesses of love and hate. How ironic.

I pat down my pants pockets, to make sure that my wallet is there, which it is. Pete, my boss at Smoothie Hut insists on using new digital keys to get into the store. I’ve already lost 4 in the past year. He’s pretty forgiving, but not to the point where he will continue giving me free ones. He said that the next time I lose a key it will come out of my paycheck. I quickly and carefully reach my hand into the pocket of my hoodie, to reach my cell phone. Surprisingly, it’s still there, and it still works. And it’s telling me that that I’m late for work; again.

I slide my hands across my temples, and groan, my headache once again flaring up. Hangovers aren’t the nicest friends when you have to make a quick escape from cops, and still work. I walk casually over to a window, avoiding any unmentionable stains that may on the ground and push up on the window. I punch out the screen of the window, and casually climb out and place my feet on the ground. Luckily, the window I picked was in the back of the house, not even in the proximately of the cops.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, I’m going to hurl. Sure enough, a green, brown and pink substance is being emitted from my mouth straight onto the hard concrete with a splash. I wipe my mouth with the sleeve of my already stained purple hoodie. That’s going to leave another nice little stain that will probably never ever come out. Another spout of puking takes me by surprise, this time completely drenching my jeans in my own stomach acid. Guess what Smoothie Hut is going to smell like today? That’s right! Vomit! I carefully zip down my purple hoodie, and throw it in the nearest trashcan. Purple was never my color anyways. I would take off my jeans as well…. But I’m not that confident.

I slowly start my vomit filled walk to Smoothie Hut. I’m sure Pete will love it when I come through the door, with my vomit covered jeans. He’s probably going to fire me soon anyways. Even though he’s pretty forgiving, me and him don’t really get along. Him and his perfect boyfriend, and perfect _everything_. Basically, everything my life should be, I should be happy. But ever since Jon died things haven’t been happy.

I still remember when Jon decided that they should sneak into Warped Tour 2006. Sure, we had money to pay, but he thought that it would be a ‘bonding’ experience and we would remember it for years. I had said yes, because I was a foolish high schooler. It also didn’t help that we were completely stoned. I chuckle to myself. Of course we got caught, two white skinny guys in skin tight jeans trying to scale a 20 feet fence isn’t that hard to spot. When I had volunteered that we would pay, they turned me down. They wanted to teach us a lesson. They made us clean every Porta Potty at Warped Tour. In the middle of summer. In the Las Vegas desert. You could imagine on why I still can’t get the smell out of my nose. I still can’t get rid of that memory, no matter how hard I try.

I sigh to myself, and look down at my vomit and piss covered shoes; I have a feeling it’s going to be a very very long day.


	2. Jeans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If it’s a porn DVD, I swear to God, I will pour your smoothie all over those gorgeous locks of yours,” I say, as I force a smile. I get the milk out of the fridge, the bananas, and the chocolate syrup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the past comments, and the views!  
> You're making this all worth it!

**Chapter 2: Jeans**

                 "William, do not say a word, in fact, do not even breathe in my general direction until I raid Spencer’s stash of Advil," I spit out at William as I approach the front of Smoothie Hut. William is one of regulars; he normally stops by every day at around the time we open. And he always orders the most caffeinated smoothie on the menu and a chocolate muffin. Not that he even needs the extra sugar or caffeine. I’m pretty sure he could out run the Energizer Bunny.

                “But Ryannnnnnn,’ he says singsongly, “I wanted to tell you about this super cute boy I met last night and the mindblowing sex we had. Let me tell you, his mouth was like—“

                “Do not, finish that sentence,” I interrupt quickly, as I pull the key to the door out of my wallet.

                “Just because you are abstaining from sex – which is a shame by the way – doesn’t mean that I can’t talk to you about how amazing it was”, he lets out a large sigh, his eyes begin to glaze over.

                “I’m not obtaining from sex pre-say. I just think that it’s so overused now, especially with Amorephine and Eruie running rampant,” I say casually and shrug. “Now come on, Pete will have my head if I don’t open soon” I slide the key through the card reader and push the door open.

            “You know, taking some Amorephine may do you some good, Mr. I Vomited Onto My Jeans Because I Went Partying Last Night. It may finally make you admit your feelings for me,” William says, and then wiggles his eyebrows at me.

            “Oh, William, don’t you know you’re way out of my league. I could never measure up to the boyfriend you need,” I reply, and dramatically throw my hand over my forehead. I walk behind the counter, and search for Spencer’s stash of Advil. I quickly find the bottle behind a blender and swallow them dry. Over the years, I’ve been become pretty good with pills. When my parents found out I was gay, they sent me to every Doctor they could find. The Doctors prescribed every medication under the sun. It didn’t work. I’m actually pretty sure it made me gayer, if that’s even possible.

            “Oh, before I forgot, I got you a gift. Thought it might help distract you from what today is…..” William trails off. He picks up a chair from a table, and places in front of the counter.

            “If it’s a porn DVD, I swear to God, I will pour your smoothie all over those gorgeous locks of yours,” I say, as I force a smile. I get the milk out of the fridge, the bananas, and the chocolate syrup.

            I can’t believe that people still remember that today is today. Especially hyperactive William. I thought that I had only mentioned it to him once. And that was last year. On the anniversary. Hell, I haven’t even told Pete, and in this town word does _not_ get around fast.

            “It’s not porn, but I should have gotten that instead... It would have been a much better gift,” he replies as I pour the milk into the blender and add the bananas and chocolate syrup. Okay, so maybe I lied, I might have one friend. One hyperactive, tall, and lanky; friend.

            “Listen, he would be here if he could, but he can’t. And I’m sorry for that. I know that if he was here, you two would be raising hell. Shit, he would have probably beat up your parents for kicking you out,” he takes a deep breathe.

            I bite my lip to keep myself from crying. I don’t really need to be crying in the middle of my shift at Smoothie Hut, in vomit covered jeans.

           “He really did love you, ya know” I nod slowly and turn on the blender, then look at William. “He would want you to be happy again. You aren’t happy, Ryan. I’ve been coming here for a year, and ever since I’ve known you, you haven’t been happy”

           I glance back at the blender, turn it off, and pour his smoothie into a cup. I grab a chocolate muffin from the glass case, and set them both on the counter in front of him. “Thanks, William…,” I cough slightly to regain my composure. “You should go…. Pete doesn’t people sexier than him in the shop,” I reply, with a wink.

          “Well, he must hate you then. Seriously though, Jon would want you to move on” I wince at his name. Jon has been gone for 2 years and I still can’t bear to hear his name out loud. “But alas, I can’t make you, myself” He slaps down a $5 dollar bill, and picks up his muffin and smoothie, but then quickly places them back down on the counter as if he forgot something. He pulls a pair of jeans, and a tupperware container filled with brownies from his bag and places them on the counter next to his muffin and smoothie.

           I raise an eyebrow. “Pete doesn’t allow us to be high on the job”

          “Of course I know that. They aren’t special brownies, doofus. They’re just brownies. You need to gain some weight”

          “Look who’s talking, Mr. I Look Like A Teen Girl”

          “Deflecting, Mr. Ross, not a good trait to have to attract a suitor”, he replies, sounding exactly like a mother would. He picks up his muffin and smoothie, and glides to the front door. “Ta-Ta lover boy, I’m off to get laid. Enjoy your brownies!” he says, and chuckles.

          When he leaves the store, I quickly grab the jeans and brownies, and walk into the storage room. I place the brownies down on a cardboard box, and then slide my vomit jeans off and shimmy myself into the new jeans. If William got me any tighter pants, circulation would be cut off to my penis. Maybe that’s a good thing though. I could do without it. I slowly walk over to the exit door, and throw my jeans out onto the ground. I’ll let the animals use it. I’ll never be able to clean that pair of jeans.

          I grab the container of brownies, and walk back to my counter. I place the container down, and carefully lift the lid. Knowing, William, he could have booby-trapped the container. Luckily, the only thing that happens is the store being filled with the intoxicating smell of fresh baked brownies. Surprisingly William is a really great baker, which is strange because his mother burns everything.

         He doesn’t talk about her a lot anymore. His mother and him have a strained relationship after his father left. It only happened a few months ago, so I don’t blame either of them. It also doesn’t help that his mother is pressuring him to try Grad School again. Unlike me, William actually finished. He isn’t too interested in actually continuing with the major he has. We’ve talked before, and he has always said that he wanted to give music a try. A pipe lines dream. 

        I quickly dig into the brownies, not taking a chance to even savor the taste. These is the best God damn brownies I’ve ever tasted in my life. And don’t say that I’m insulting my mother. Her cooking style was Pizzahut, and I’ve burned the food, scrape the burned stuff off. And my father was too drunk to even care. It’s kind of funny though, in our religion we can’t drink, but Dad did it anyways. And when told them I was gay, they disowned me. God damn hypocrites.

      Once I finish the brownies, I grab the tupperware container and walk into our storage room, and put it down on one of the many cardboard boxes. Pete said that he was going to take these boxes out of the storage room to get recycled. He’s been forgetting a lot of stuff recently which means I’m left with a grunt of the work. I search around for the boxes of prepared food, and eventually find it. I grab the box and walk out of the storage room, and quickly set up the rest of our food products (muffins, cupcakes, small pieces of cake, cake pops) in our glass case. Pete thinks that the real money is in the food. I disagree, since our food is awful. My imaginary dog wouldn’t even eat it.

      I jump over the counter, and spray down the outside of the case. I mentally gag when I think of all the fingers and handprints that have been on this glass case. Not that I’m a germaphobe – I did wake up in a strange building with no memories of the previous night – but I can’t help but be grossed out. I don’t want to know what’s on people’s hands. I finish up wiping down the glass case, and then turn stroll over to the wall to turn on all of the lights nearly blinding myself in the process. Pete believes in leaving the lights on so bright the customers can’t see the prices. That emo fucker.

     I walk over to the front of the door, and draw up the blinds. Another hot Las Vegas summer morning stares back at me. I sigh, put up the open sign, and prepare myself for another long shift.


	3. Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why the hell are you spitting out our liquid gold muffins, Ross,” a groggy voice says from the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I decided to post this because the east coast is completely snowed in, so I'm stuck home. I thought some Ryden might warm up your day! Enjoy! And the next chapter will finally introduce a main character....

 

                

**Chapter 3: Red**

* * *

         “That will be 3 dollars and 7 cents please,” I say boringly, as I turn on the blender to mix a large strawberry smoothie. It’s pretty odd that they’re our best seller considering our customer base is mostly college students who need a caffeine boost before morning class starts. I turn the blender off, and then pour the smoothie into a cup, and place it down on the counter in front of the customer. “Would you like to add one of our _delicious_ baked goods? They’re buy one get one free,” I force out, with a forced smile. I have smiled approximately 20 times in the 30 minutes that I’ve been here. Needing less to say, I’m tired of smiling.

                “Do you have anything that’s fat free, gluten free, and sugar free,” a pipsqueak girl with bright red hair squeaks back at me. “Because, like, I’m trying to get healthy, because its summer, and I want to look swimsuit ready, once my summer semester of college lets out. Me and my boyfriend are going away to Cali soon, and I just have to look good for him. So yeah, do you have anything?” As I stare at her I feel like putting my head in a blender. These are the people I have to deal with every day.

                “We have yet to come up with a salad that will work well with smoothies. I’m sure that we will have one out by the time you come back from California,” I once again force out. She smiles at me, and gives me exact change, picks up her smoothie and sashayes out of the door. I watch her go, and then quickly run towards the door. I put up the back in 15 sign.

                Pete is somewhat lenient in how many breaks we can take, especially if we’re working alone, which I am. Spencer was supposedly going to be working, but he never showed up. I’m not surprised. He’s a bigger pothead than all of us combined. I’ve heard a rumor that he only got hired because he’s related to Pete’s boyfriend.

                I look around the empty store able to relax for the first time today. Sometimes it feels like Smoothie Hut is a second home to me. Me and Jon would come here a lot when we were younger. We had joked around with each other that we would end up working here when we started college. He would man the cash register because he knew my aversion to people. I would make the smoothies, and mess up royally on every single one because I’m so uncoordinated. Well, buddy, you would be proud of me. I haven’t messed up yet. But you aren’t here.

                I sigh softly, and walk behind the counter to grab a random muffin from our case. The food might taste like shit, but I’m hungry. William’s brownies were more light and fluffy versus actually filling my stomach. I slowly take the wrapper off the muffin – Pete believes that things in the store should be clean – and bite into the muffin. I instantly spit out.

                “Why the hell are you spitting out our liquid gold muffins, Ross,” a groggy voice says from the front door.

                “Hello, Peter, I take it you had fun last night?”, I snicker.

                “Shut the fuck up and get me some Advil; your break is almost over,” he spits back as he pulls over a chair to the counter. The chair that I had just moved from when William sat there. Pete lets his head fall onto the counter and groans. I can’t help but chuckle. Pete never comes to work hangover, so this is a treat. “Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to get me some god damn Advil”

                “Fine, fine, fine.” I stroll over to the blenders, and reach behind it to find the bottle of Advil. I’ll have to ask Spencer why he decided to put the bottle there. I open the bottle, and, shit. “Um…. We’re out of Advil…..” I casually forget to mention that I used the last.

                “We’re what!?” he shouts out, and quickly picks up his head his black hair going everywhere.

                “Well, um…. We’re out of Advil,” I say slowly and carefully. I don’t want to stir him up.

                “Well, I guess that means you’re going to have to go out and get some”

                “I don’t have a car, plus, you said that my break was almost over,” I smile sheepishly. Pete glares at me, and I swear to God if looks could kill, he would have killed me, right here in the middle of Smoothie Hut.

                “You are so fucking lucky that Spencer isn’t working,” he grumbles out, and rubs his temples.

                “Oh come on, it won’t be too bad, Joe comes in for his shift soon, anyways,” I suggest, as I take out the broom and sweep up the muffin.

                “Joe or Andy won’t be coming in today”

                 I look at him and arch my eyebrow questioning him.

                “You don’t want to even know, your brain wouldn’t be able to understand”

                 I shrug my shoulders, and then walk back over to the door, and turn the sign back to open. I look out the window and luckily there’s an empty parking lot staring back at me. I don’t think Pete could handle customers right now. I turn back towards the shop to see Pete pushing the chair back to its respective table. People almost never use the tables.

                “Well, look at you, helping, Patrick really is whipping you into shape,” I say, as I watch him clean up the shop. “He really has you whipped, doesn’t he” I snicker to myself, and run over to the counter, and slide over the top, landing on my feet. Pete slowly walks over to me, and then behind the counter where I stand.

                “I am only doing the smoothies – no and or buts – I’m not in the mood to deal with people”

                “Sure, as long as you don’t puke into the drinks,” I reply with. I really shouldn’t be so harsh since I was hung over just a little while ago. But this is the only time I get to crack the perfect image of Pete Wentz. I hear the blender roar to life, as the screams of Pete flood the store. I quickly turn around to see him covered in Strawberry smoothie.

                “WHY DIDN’T YOU CLEAN THEM,” he screams, his face covered in red. It seriously looks like Elmo came all over him. It isn’t long before I’m hunched over, clenching my stomach from laughing so hard. “IT ISN’T FUNNY! I LOOK LIKE AN EMO ELMO!”

                “I really wish I had my phone right now. This would be perfect for the store’s Facebook. You could be our mascot. Emo Elmo. I see it in lights right now. We could have you stand on the corner with free samples of our strawberry smoothie” I continue laughing, and then wipe my eyes.

                Pete grumbles, “I’m going to go get cleaned up…” He pitifully walks into the storage room.

                I continue chuckling when turning back towards the front of the store. Maybe it won’t be such a bad day after all.


	4. Recommendations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m still chuckling when I look up at the front of the store, and slowly glide my eyes over to the door which has just opened. I stop chuckling immediately, and my mouth goes dry. My mind has completely frozen like a polar vortex in the middle of winter. And my knees feel like they could give out at any moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter for you! Once again, thanks for the new views, and comments; everyone makes it worth it!  
> New chapter will be posted Monday, as always!

 

**Chapter 4: Recomendations**

* * *

                 I’m still chuckling when I look up at the front of the store, and slowly glide my eyes over to the door which has just opened. I stop chuckling immediately, and my mouth goes dry. My mind has completely frozen like a polar vortex in the middle of winter. And my knees feel like they could give out at any moment. The most beautiful man has just walked into Smoothie Hut during _my_ shift, on Jon’s anniversary. I silently send Jon a small thank you for sending this beautiful creature to me.

                “Hi there, what would you recommend,” the beautiful creature asks, smiling.

                 I’m pretty sure I could faint right about now. I struggle for an answer, but it seems like my mouth and mind are not communicating _at all_.

                 “Um… I’m sorry I don’t know sign language, but you can read my lips, right?” Oh yes, I can read your lips quite well; your beautiful plump lips. “So I’ll just take a Raspberry Cream”. He once smiles, and I’m feeling like I could once again faint. “And I’ll give you an extra tip if you sneak some chocolate there,” he whispers. Oh, I don’t need a tip, I just need _you_.

                 I quickly nod (I’m quite surprised I can even do that right about now) and jog over to the blenders, to get his ingredients.

                 “I swear to God, Ross, if this smoothie does not come out of my clothes, Patrick will have my head,” Pete grumbles out, as he walks out of the storage room. He quickly sees the beautiful creature standing there, and saunters over to him. “’Sorry, it’s a long day, what can I get you,” Pete asks the beautiful creature.

                 “Oh no, I’m already being helped. You know, I think it’s really great that you’re employing everyone. He seems sweet, even if he can’t speak”

                 Remember how I wanted to stick my head in a blender after that one customer? I wish that I had done, to save myself from the embarrassment right now.

                 Pete laughs, “You mean Ryan over there? He can speak, _a lot_ , actually. He’s shy around new people. Kind of like a newborn puppy”

                 Yep, yep, I’m sticking my head in the blender right about _now_. I quickly put the ingredients into the blender, and turn it on. The result being one of the following; A). Everything goes completely fine, I end up talking to the beautiful creature we end up getting married, and adopt little Chinese babies, or B). Pete forgot to put the lid back on and I am now covered in a smoothie. If you guessed the latter, then congratulations, you won the game of Ryan’s A Fail.

                 “He’s not allowed near the blenders, my apologies. He’s a family friend, I hired him as a favor to my sister this will just take a second, excuse me,” Pete says with what I hope is a smile. I can’t check I’m too busy trying to put in the ingredients for another go at this smoothie. I will get this smoothie right and then this guy will be so impressed by my smoothie skills we will get married, and live the rest of our days together drinking smoothies.

                 “No, no, no, its fine, I keep forgetting to put the lid back on my blenders too,” plumb responds with a light airy sound in his voice. He sounds _amused_. If he likes to be amused I can amuse him for the rest of his life. I turn on the blender again, this time with the lid on. “There we go, I knew you could do it, Ryan,” he says with a slight cheer in his voice. My name sounds like velvet coming out of his lips, and I feel I could faint again. I turn the off button on the blender, and pour his smoothie into one of our cups, my hands shaking worse than someone detoxing,

                “Here, Ryan, let me take it before you make a bigger mess,” Pete says forcing his voice to be as sweet as possible. He grabs the cup from me, and puts it on the counter in front of the beautiful creature. “It’s free of charge. We don’t normally take this long. My apologies.”

                “Well, at least let me tip him for trying again after the blender decided to explode on him,” he chuckles and pulls out a five dollar bell from the back pocket of his jeans. “Would you mind if I gave it to him? I understand what it’s like to not quite fit in. I shouldn’t honestly have caffeine with my ADD, but what my mother doesn’t know won’t kill her”

                Pete nods, “I know what you mean, mother didn’t exactly approve of me being gay, and refused to even acknowledge until my boyfriend and me moved with each other”

                “Oh, does your boyfriend have a brother that I can borrow” He chuckles

                 If I haven’t melted into a puddle yet I probably have just now.

                 “’’fraid not, but you would be surprised how many gay guys there are in town” Pete comments, and pushes me forward to the counter to take the money.

                 The guy notices that I’ve suddenly reappeared, and hands the 5 over to me, our hands slightly touching, shivers going down my spine. “Thanks, dude, hope to see you around town,” he smiles brightly. With that, he picks up his smoothie and strolls out of the store.

                 I follow him with my eyes, hungrily memorizing every inch of him, as if he’s about a photo about to disappear before my eyes. Which is very possible in this town. People show up at Smoothie Hut, and sometimes never return. As soon as he leaves the store, I let out a huge sigh, my elbows propped up on the counter, and my hands cupping my cheeks. I probably look like a high schooler in love.

                “You like him, don’t you, Ross,” Pete asks and then chuckles.

                “Was it that obvious,” I ask, my face still in the same place.

                “I'm quite surprised that you didn't get on your knees and blow him right here”

                “It was not that obvious!” I turn around to face him.

                He chuckles. “You broke your record you know”

                He’s right, Jon. I’ve never messed up a smoothie until now.

               “Whatever, Pete, I don’t know record you’re talking about. I’m going to go clean this smoothie off my face”

               “That’s probably best, you look like an Emo Casper The Ghost”

                “I’d rather be a ghost than Elmo,” I yell as I’m walking into the storage room,

 Okay, so, maybe I lied, maybe I do have two friends. One lanky, and hyperactive, and one Emo Elmo.

 

 


	5. Names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yeah, hold on, one second.” I quickly get up from the ground, and stroll over to the door. I open it slowly, and I’m immediately greeted by the guy from the store with what looks like a blender. My jaw drops, and I think a few flies paraded in one after the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to upload this early because the response has been amazing so far!  
> I'm considering making this fanfic a little bit longer because I'm having tons of more ideas..  
> Stay tuned, and I hope you like this chapter!

 

 

**Chapter 5: Names**

* * *

                 "No, William, I did not have sex with him in the storage room,” I talk into the phone as I unlock my apartment with another key card.

                 _“Dude, you totally should have. Pete wouldn’t have minded. He knows what today is”_

                 “Pete would have totally minded, even considering what the day is. He was so hung over I’m pretty sure he was one of the walking dead,” I respond back, cradling the phone in the nook of my shoulder as I push the door open.

                 _“Speaking of The Walking Dead, do you want come over to my place tonight? I’m making lasagna, and the new episode of Supernatural is on tonight. I need someone to fangirl with over Dean. That Castiel is stupid for going for that girl instead of Dean. Let me tell you, if I got my hands on that Winchester, that Impala would be destroyed”_

                  I roll my eyes. “Yeah, sure, I’ll be there, as long as you keep the screaming, and pinching to a minimum. My fragile bones can only take so much abuse from you” I step over the threshold, and gently close the wooden door to my apartment,

_"Yay! I’ll get some popcorn, and some ice cream and we can gush about boys and you can tell me all about this sex god that you met today”_

                  I once again roll my eyes. “He might not even come back, and I was a total fool when he was around me. His smoothie went all over me, and I couldn’t even speak”

                 _“Well, you haven’t been open to anyone in a while, so it’s to be expected. Funny that he showed up today though. Maybe Jon’s trying to send you a sign or something”_

                  "Yeah maybe…. Hey, I ate your brownies by the way, delicious as always,” I comment as I sit down on the ground and look around my apartment. I'd much rather sit on the ground than sit on the couch that could fall apart at any second.

                  _“Yeah? I’m glad you liked them. I made them special for you”_ I can hear him smiling on the phone. _“Hey, listen there’s something I gotta tell you—“_ There’s a sudden pounding on the door, drowning out William. _“So yeah, I’m glad that off of my chest”_

                  “Yeah, hold on, one second.” I quickly get up from the ground, and stroll over to the door. I open it slowly. I’m immediately greeted by the guy from the store with what looks like a blender. My jaw drops, and I think a few flies paraded in one after the other.

                  “So, you do remember me!” he exclaimed with a bright smile, his voice joyous. His smile still makes my knees weak.

                   I hear William squeaking from the phone and I immediately end the call, while still looking at the guy in front of me.

                   “So, um…. I know it’s kinda weird to show up, but your boss told me where you lived—I didn’t mean to be creepy or whatever—I just wanted to apologize if I insulted you for being deaf, or whatever. So, yeah” He looks down at his shoes shyly. I’m literally restraining myself from leaning across the threshold to kiss him right about now; I always loved it when guys acted shy.

                  “So, I know that you seemed to have a problem with keeping the lid on the blender at your work so I got you one to practice one,” he says as he thrusts the blender at me, giving me another huge smile. I’m not sure if I should take a risk and speak or just remain mute. I rack my brain for any knowledge for sign language that would help in this situation, and come up blank. I could either just remain mute, and have him think that I am deaf, or I could embarrass myself royally in front of him; I choose the latter.

                  “T-t-t-thank you,” I manage to stutter out. I feel like I’m meeting Jon all over again, god damn it.

                  “Wait, you aren’t deaf?” His eyebrows shoot straight up, and his eye bulge out.

                  “Um… Well-no-but yes. In that moment, I was deaf. But normally, no.” Just shut up, shut up, Ryan. You’re weirding him out. “Do you – er – want to come inside? I was about to make lunch” No you weren't Ryan; you were going to avoid all food, because you don't like to eat. You were going to sit on the floor, and wait till it would be a respectful time to stop by William's. You would tell him that you just ate, and you weren't hungry. You weren't going to eat lunch. You never eat lunch.

                  “Sure! I would love that! And I’m glad that you aren’t deaf–not that I have nothing against people who are deaf–it’s just kind of hard for me to talk to them when I talk so fast. I probably shouldn’t have had that chocolate kick. It didn’t agree with me all that much. A lot of food and people don’t agree with me. I argue with people too much about things. You don’t argue a lot, right? Also, you’re okay with me being gay, right? Because if you aren’t then I’m afraid we can’t be friends. So. Are you?” he asks not even out of breath. It takes me a moment to soak in everything before I nod. I don’t quite know what I’m agreeing to though.

                  “We should probably head inside. I’m hungry and the food at Smoothie Hut is shit. Don’t tell Pete that, he’ll get me fired. He’ll say that we lost a potential customer,” I say as I walk into my apartment.

                  “Don’t worry, I’m a future customer, you can guarantee that. Your smoothie skills are to die for” He slowly walks into the apartment.

                   Step 1. Make him fall in love with my smoothie skills; complete.

                  “Well, I almost did with your smoothie all over me,” I chuckle.

                  “Which, may I add, is still on your face” I quickly throw my hands up to try and get and rid of any remaining smoothie. “You’re totally missing it, hold on” He puts the box down on the ground near the door, and walks closer towards me, his sneakers squeaking against the floor.

                  He gets to the point where his body is inches from mine, and I gulp. “Now, just try and stand still, it seems as though a flake of brown is in your eyeball” I can’t help but squeak, and he chuckles. “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine"

                  It isn’t long before his long fingers are in my eye and they’re pulling out a small looking brown speck. “See? It wasn’t so bad was it?” He chuckles, and then smiles. I let a huge grin emerge, and shake my head no as if it wasn’t that bad. During the process of him extracting the speck it seems like we have gotten closer. It's like my life is a fucking Hallmark movie (Hallmark is so much better; less murder movies than Lifetime). As I look into his eyes, I realize how much I missed while wishing and hoping that Jon wasn't really dead. And it isn't until now that I realize how much I want to kiss this beautiful and amazing creature, in this _exact_ moment. If I don't take this risk I might never have another chance at this. He's the first guy that has gotten my attention since Jon passed away.

                 I slowly lean forward bracing myself for rejection (he doesn't even know that I'm gay), but I’m only left with another pair of lips thinking the same exact thing. I can’t help but smile into the kiss, and feel his arms around my neck as he pulls me closer to him. I don’t feel his squishy tongue or the inside of his mouth, or that he wants to sex right here. Instead, I only feel a tightlipped kiss that is calm and gentle. There's no sloppiness, or moaning; it's like an 8th grade kiss; pure. It is breathtaking. We slowly pull away, as if we don't need to keep our lips connected to keep breathing. But we make a nonverbal agreement to keep our noses connected, his chocolate brown eyes staring back at me, and my hazel eyes staring back at him.

                “Brendon Boyd Urie,” he says breathlessly, goofy smile and all.

                “George Ryan Ross,” I say just as breathlessly, my face mimicing his.

                 Maybe, just maybe William was right; maybe Jon did send him after all.


	6. Instaounce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He rolls his eyes, and then looks down at his shoes. “I tried to tell you on the phone but I guess you must have not heard me, what with Brendon storming in.” He sighs, and then looks back up at me, his eyes sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little update;  
> Due to the fact that I'm already up to Chapter 25 in writing, I decided that I'll be updated every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Ryden to start your week, for hump day (hahaha, get it? because it's smut; it's late, sorry), and your reward for making it through the week. I'm aiming for a total of 75 chapters so we've still got a while to go. I'm not leaving anytime soon. Enough talk from me! Let's get started!

** Chapter 6: Instaounce **

* * *

                “So, you just let him go, after you two kissed? You didn’t even give him any tongue, or ask him out on a date,” William questions me as he twirls a piece of his brown hair around his pointer finger.

                “No, I don’t want this to move too fast,” I respond back as I pull out a bag of chips out his cabinet. After I called William back, and told him what happened he insisted that I come over right away.

                “Move too fast? Ryan, you kissed him before you even knew his name. I think you passed the move too fast line a long time ago”

                I shrug, and grab a package of cookies, and a box of popcorn. “So, tell me about this guy you met last night. Were you able to get his phone number, or was it one of your random hookups, that you’re oh so fond of,” I say with a grin, as I bite down on a chocolate chip cookie. Ever since I kissed Brendon I felt like I should eat. That food isn’t just _there,_ but it can also taste good; I shouldn’t avoid it.

                “Oh, you should talk kiss and ditch”

                I stick my tongue out at him, and walk into his living room with our goodies, sitting down on his uncomfortable suede couch. I attempt to get comfortable with no avail. William believes more in style versus actual comfort. I continue munching down on the cookies, brushing the crumbs onto the wine colored carpeted floor.

                “You slob, didn’t your mother teach you any better?” William asks from the doorway, as he wipes his hands on what looks like a white towel.

                “The only thing my mother taught me is how to memorize the phone number to Pizza Hut and the nearest hospital,” I respond back, my teeth gritted, as I turn on the TV. Sometimes I wonder why William likes to bring things up, even in joke. I haven’t told him the full story about my parents; only that my Dad was a drunk, and it wasn’t easy. But I’m pretty sure he knows everything. It seems like a lot of the time he knows me better than I know myself better. Hell, he probably already knows about Brendon.

                I wouldn’t be surprised if he does know Brendon. It’s an unusual, and unique name for Las Vegas. There’s a lot of Jacobs, and Anthonys, but no Brendons. Well, maybe there were Brendon’s, but not _this_ Brendon. Brendon, Brendon, Brendon, Brendon Boyd Urie; saying his name in my mind makes me feel all warm inside, and when I say his name out loud it feels like liquid gold on my lips.

                “Earth to Ryan, anybody in there? Or is your head so full of love that your brain isn’t working,” William asks, quickly interrupting my thoughts. I slowly look over at William, his tall figure completely taking up the whole doorway.

                “I’m not in love, Will, I just like him. He’s just special, ya know? I haven’t felt this way since Jon,” I respond back, my eyes dropping down to look at my hands. I feel the couch dip down, as William sits down next to me.

                He rolls his eyes, and then looks down at his shoes. “I tried to tell you on the phone but I guess you must have not heard me, what with Brendon storming in.” He sighs, and then looks back up at me, his eyes sad. “I drugged your brownies a dash of weed just to cheer you up, it might have explained why you froze up around Brendon, forgive me?” He bites his lip, and twirls his hair around his finger.

                “Dude, you totally could have gotten me fired,” I chuckle, “Of course, I forgive you, but you should have just told me. I would have totally shared with you, instead of me hogging it all.” I hit his shoulder playfully.

                “Oh no no, you needed a pick me up. Although I don’t think the weed was the one that did that,” he says with a wink.

                I groan, “Alright, since you seem to only want to talk about Brendon, let’s stop talking about him, and focus on this guy you met last night. Did you get his phone number, and have you texted him a million times yet,” I ask as I kick my sneakers off. I have to remind myself to wash those later.

                “Wellllll,” he responds back extending the l, “I haven’t texted him a million times… Maybe a thousand times, but definitely not a million times. I have proof,” He smiles cheesily, pulls out his bright pink razor phone out of the back pocket of his jeans, and passes it over to me. I take it and then scoff at it.

                “I’m pretty sure I’m holding a prehistoric dinosaur right now”

                “Oh shut up, I like having an older phone. Razors were so cool back in the day. The iPhones are so overused these days, only teenage girls with Instaounce carry them,” he replies back, and then stretches.

                I sigh, and then shake my head at him. “You are so hopeless, I swear. It’s Instagram, Will, not Instaounce. Instaounce sounds like a quick way to gain weight that you would see on an infomercial. Also, I have an iPhone and I’m not a teenage girl”

                “Are you sure, Ryan? By the way you describe Brendon you might be a teenage girl in a guy’s body”

                I groan. “I’m not a teenage girl, and I just like him, is that so hard to understand?” I hand his phone back when it starts to buzz. “Here, I think your fuck buddy is calling”

                As soon as I hand the phone back to William he springs out of his spot, and glides out to the kitchen. “Tell your fuck buddy I said hi!” I yell out to him in the kitchen with a chuckle. William never stays in a relationship for more than a few days. He’s too spastic to be tied down, is what he had told me before.

               But I’m pretty sure that he does want an actual relationship. Since I’ve known him he’s had a few boyfriends and has brought them into Smoothie Hut, but nothing has really stuck. They almost always cheat on him, which I don’t understand. William would do anything for his friends, and probably even more for his boyfriends. I shudder involuntary, no I’m not imagining my best friend using handcuffs with an ex-boyfriend. It might be the kinky stuff, or it might be the high standards he has in relationships.

              He has a whole list that has told me about before. They have to have dark hair, shorter than him, be able to make him laugh, be able to deal with his ambition for music, and his shopping habits. I hope the new guy can handle his high standards in a relationship. He’s dated most of Las Vegas by now, so it’s hard to impress him, and make him laugh. But judging by loud squeal from the kitchen, it seems like this guy might be perfect for William after-all.


	7. Fashion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So, Gabe – that’s the guy I had been texting by the way – suggested we should all go to a club tonight,” William suggests after we’ve finished eating our spaghetti, and watching Supernatural. “And I know what you’re thinking, you’re going with us. You have off tomorrow, and you should get out”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! It's a really long chapter, and a surprise upload!  
> Thought you might like it!

  
**Chapter 7: Fashion**

* * *

“So, Gabe – that’s the guy I had been texting by the way – suggested we should all go to a club tonight,” William suggests after we’ve finished eating our spaghetti, and watching Supernatural. “And I know what you’re thinking, you’re going with us. You have off tomorrow, and you should get out”

                “Why would I want to want to be the third wheel with you and Gabe? And why would I want to be standing there, alone, when you two eventually find a bathroom to fuck in,” I state dryly, looking over at him on the couch. I don’t go to clubs, I go to parties instead. Too many people you know in clubs. At clubs you are only there to fuck in the bathrooms, or take someone home for a one night stand. I like to think of myself as being a little classier than that. I’m more a get drunk, and wake up covered in my own piss and puke. And William and anyone else I may know go to clubs. I don’t want people to know what I do at nighttime.

                “And that’s why I suggested that you should take Brendon, and you two find a bathroom to fuck in. Or at your speed, you could just stand around awkwardly staring at him”

                “I don’t have his phone number….,” I say quietly while looking at my hands. I couldn’t really speak, or function after our kiss. We kind of just stared at each other for a few minutes, until Brendon said that he had to go, and that we would see each other soon. I didn’t want to move too fast, but then again, maybe I did. And maybe, I wanted to skip going to a party tonight, and instead go to this club to see if Brendon would be there; no big deal.

                “Well, you should be lucky that you have me as a friend, and that you know his name. I asked Gabe if he knew Brendon, and then he asked his friend Nate, and then Nate asked his friend Victoria, who asked her friend Josh, and then he asked his friend Zack. It turns out that Zack is Brendon’s landlord. So Zack told Josh, who then told Victoria, who then told Nate, who then told Gabe, and then he finally told me. The point is, I already asked Brendon, and he said sure”

                I look at him scared, impressed, and excited – the point is, I don’t know how to feel. “How did even you manage to get him to come? He doesn’t even know you” Knowing William he probably found out some way to Brendon, and convince him to come. Or he bribed him to come. Probably bribed.

                He grins, “It seems like you got a winner with this one. As soon as I mentioned we were friends and you would be there he immediately agreed” He agreed? Should I even go?

                “But-But, I have nothing to wear, and what if that kiss was only a onetime thing, Will? He might not actually be interested in me, he might just be interested in having me as a fuck buddy, which actually might not be a bad thing, because his body is amazing. And that hair that I just want to grab onto, and his lips; I them all over my body and—“ Okay, yes, I want to move fast with Brendon; I’ve decided.

                “Ryan, he got you a fucking blender. I don’t know many guys who want a one night stand and get a blender to get you to sleep with them,” William interrupts my rambling speech.

                “Well yeah, but here’s the thing, what if it doesn’t work out, and I’m stuck serving him at Smoothie Hut? Do you know how awkward that would be? Or what if we have sex and I’m horrible? I’ve been out of practice, expect you know in the showe—“

                “Okay, okay, calm down, calm down. You can raid my closet for clothes later, but I think I know exactly what you need right now.” William pulls me out to the kitchen, and sits me down at the table. “I still have some leftover brownies which I think you really really need right now.”

                I nod softly, and then rest my head on the table and close my eyes, my thoughts racing. Maybe all I need to do is get high. But what if Brendon doesn’t like weed? Would he be able to tell that I’m high? I don’t want him to think that I’m a complete stoner. I barely even know his name. Hell, I don’t even know his age. Should I be taking it this fast? Would Jon be okay with this?

                “Open your mouth and chew” I hear William say sternly as he stands above me. I pick up my head, blink and then open my mouth. He places a large piece of a brownie in my mouth, and I chew. I just want to get high already. I want to think normally and not feel like my brain is on overload.

                “Aren’t you going to have any,” I ask, after chewing my brownie, hoping that the weed takes affect quickly. William shakes his head no, and then smirks at me. “What are you smirking at?”

                He sits down at the table, “You haven’t mentioned Jon once in the past few hours, or even thought about him, have you,” he asks, staring at me, then folding his skinny arms. Shit, he’s right, well except for thinking if Jon would be okay with me moving too fast. “You know what, don’t even answer me. We’ve got about 30 minutes before we have to pick Brendon up, and we can’t be late”

                I gulp, feeling my Adam’s apple bob up and down in anxiety. “We’re picking him up? Why can’t he just meet us there?’ I don’t want to see him right away. I need to relax, and figure out what I’m going to say to him. I can’t look like a fool like I did back at Smoothie Hut. Sure, we kissed back in my apartment, but after that we didn’t even say anything to each other. We just stood there awkwardly.

                “Not everyone has a car like I do, Ross,” he comments, getting up suddenly, his chair squeaking against the kitchen floor. “We have to get you dressed before the weed kicks in.” He quickly pulls me up from the table by my left arm, and starts walking through his apartment.  I roll my eyes and let him pull me into his bright pink bedroom, with its walls covered with band posters from multiple different genres. William believes in listening to all music because it just opens you up to new ways of producing music. If you couldn’t tell already; William loves music, probably more than pink.

                I let my eyes glide over to his queen sized bed (of course he has a pink comforter), and I’m not surprised that there’s a mountain of clothes there. No matter where you found him, William would always look fashionable. I’m almost positive that he sleeps with the clothes on his bed. Hell, he’ll probably be buried with his clothes. Music and clothes are his two poisons.  

                “So, I have a lot of options for you to try in, because you look good in almost _anything_. And I’ve already got an idea for your hair, and for your eyeliner. Of course I won’t do that though, we both know you’re better at that than I am,” William rambles out, while tearing through his room, collecting clothes. If he really tried he could possibly be a male model, or a personal shopper. Maybe a little bit of both.

                “I didn’t bring my makeup stuff with me,” I comment, while looking at my shoes. I hadn’t expected to be going out with William tonight. I thought we were just going to watch Supernatural and force myself to eat—eating is getting easier now though—but I hadn’t really expected to meet Brendon. I don’t really do eye makeup anymore. Jon had really loved it, and I locked everything that he had loved, including the beat up guitar that I have at home—is it really a home—he loved me playing guitar for him. I haven’t even touched the guitar since he died, and forget writing.

                “Well, it’s a good thing Pete left some of his stuff here last night”

                Wait, wait, was that why Pete was so hangover today? Because he was with _William?!_ Before I have a chance to ask, William is throwing a mountain of clothes at me, that I somehow manage to catch.

                “There’s a few things that I think will look really good on you. A few v-necks, a few vests, and of course some scarves. I know how much you love them,” he roll his eyes while pushing the mountain of clothes off his bed, and then sits down on it. “Go ahead. I’m the best at deciding what looks best on you. Brendon would probably only know what looks best off you,” he says with a wink. I don’t even want to think about that. Brendon wouldn’t like what he would see underneath, especially after I ate those brownies. They’re probably going straight to my hips as I stand here in William’s room. I don’t even really want to show William what’s underneath, but I have to, or he will kill me. He seems more involved with my love life than I am.

                I put the mountain of clothes that William gave me on his horrible clashing brown laminated floor. He has a habit of choosing things that would never work normally, but being able to make it work. For example, he once came into Smoothie Hut wearing a red tweed jacket and neon green skinny jeans, and he ended up making it work, even though he had these horrible purple hush puppies on. William likes to make people’s heads turn. He’s not very shy at all and doesn’t care what people think about him and what he wears; I’m jealous.

                I slowly take my shirt off, ignoring the urge to cover myself up with my hands. Since Jon died my body has gone to shit. I drink far too much, and I’m getting a bear belly like Dad has. I don’t want to be like Dad, but it seems like I might be going down that route soon. At least I don’t have the anger that he has.  

               I bend down and sit on my feet, routing through the pile of clothes eventually finding a white button up shirt and then get to my feet, hearing my back crack. Working at Smoothie Hut doesn’t involve a lot of manual labor. I slide on the top, and I can feel it clashing with my pale complexion without even looking. I’m not as much into fashion as William is, but I know when something isn’t working for me, even without looking.  I once again root through the pile and find a plain black vest hidden under a rose-vest and slide then on, feeling a lot better. Black normally works well with me, and makes me look like less of a vampire.

                “That looks so good, William squeals, and then comes barrowing towards me. “You’re missing something though—Just one thing” He grabs a maroon scarf, and ties it underneath the white button up. “That should look good, now to make you look less prim and proper,” he mumbles, while messing up the button up shirt to look more rugged. Does Brendon even like rugged?

               “Luckily, the pants work. You don’t want to share pants with me anyways”, he comments, and then runs over to his overstuffed pink closet, and pulls out a pair of black sneakers, running over to me once again. William and Brendon have one thing in common; ADD.  “These should work,” he ponders, while tapping his finger on the corner of his mouth, as he lets his eyes glide over my outfit from top to bottom. I instantly feel self-consciousness. I haven’t dressed up since the funereal. And I could only wear black. I was surprised that I was even invited to the funereal given what happened before his death. “Alright—so—it’s your turn now,” he said, and then claps his hands, “The eyeliners are over there on the bureau; Pete only uses brown and black”

                “Um….”

                “Just go crazy, after thinking about it, you should decide on your eyeliner. I was never good with the eye makeup stuff; don’t have a steady enough hand like you do.  I’ll be right back with the straightener and the hairspray” his voice joyful, and then skips out of the room, and I sigh.

                I look at a nearby mirror in William’s room and start on my eyes, trying to color in my eyelids with a brown eyeliner to no avail. I really wish I had my eye shadow with me, it would make things a lot easier. I groan to myself, and then decide to ditch my original plan and just simply highlight my eyes with a brown pencil. Too much eye shadow eyeliner can make you look desperate, and that’s the last thing I want to look like. Even though I am kind of desperate.

                “Okay, I have a straighter and a bottle of hairspray and I’m not afraid to use,” William announces as he walks into the room. I can’t help but giggle, and then burst out laughing, instantly feeling looser.

                “Willy, Willy Wonka, do you have chocolate for me? Can I have some chocolate?” I continue giggling, until I feel Willy Wonka pulling me outside. “Are you taking me to see the oompa loompas? I wanna see the oompa loompas and get some free chocolate”

                “Well, it seems like the weed has kicked in already,” Willy Wonka says, pushing me into what looks like a car, and then bulking a seat belt over me. “Why don’t you close your eyes for a little bit, and then when you open them up again you’ll get to Brendon”

                 I nod quickly. Brendon’s name sounds funny. I close my eyes, because Willy Wonka says so.

                “Ryan, take a nap, you’ll feel better in 15 minutes, okay? Make sure to keep your eyes closed, okay?,” Willy Wonks says again.

                 I nod again, and then close my eyes. For some reason, I feel really tired, so I close my eyes, and fall asleep.


	8. Horny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hello there, Smoothie Boy,” Brendon says with a chuckle, and a giant smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check the bottom for note;

**Chapter 8: Horny**

* * *

                "Are you sure he looks alright? He looks really pale, and like he could be dead,” is the first thing I hear after regaining consciousness.

                “Yeah, yeah, he’s fine. He hasn’t had pot brownies in a little while,” a voice responds back which I assume is Williams. “Plus, he’s kinda a light weight when it comes that. The last time I took him out drinking he was tipsy after only a few drinks of beer”

                I hear a chuckle from what seems to be right on top of me, “Me and him are in the same boat then. I’m a lightweight as well. The last time I went out it was with my ex-boyfriend Brent, and he had to carry me to the car because I decided that it would be a brilliant idea to climb on top of the bar and do a backflip. Turns out that I’m just as uncoordinated sober as I am drunk,” the voice says, with sad chuckle.

                I suddenly feel someone’s long fingers in my hair, as if they’re absent mindedly playing with my hair as if a nervous habit. It seems like whoever this is found my weak spot. I sigh as softly as possible, but it only causes the long fingers to stop. I quickly open my eyes ready to complain to the owner of those fingers, but my mouth goes completely dry when I realize who it is.

                “Hello there, Smoothie Boy,” Brendon says with a chuckle, and a giant smile.

                “Oh, sleeping beauty woke up just in enough time,” a voice that sounds exactly like William’s comments, “We’re about to pull into the club. You best be getting your ass up”

                Yep, that’s gotta be William.  But when did we get to the club, and when did we pick up Brendon, and how the hell did I get moved to the backseat? The last thing I remember I was in the front seat with Willy Wonk—those god damn brownies must have been rank. I’ll have to talk to William about that later, and tell him to talk to whoever is dealing him weed. I continue looking up at Brendon when I hear the car’s turn signal beeping away, and the car surge into a parking lot. We must be at the club; my suspicions are confirmed when we pull into a parking spot and William turns off the car. 

                “How about you head into the club and meet up with Gabe, while I get Ryan’s lazy bones up,” Brendon suggests and then ruffles up my bed-head (car-head?) with his fingers, a lone finger landing on my neck, causing a large shiver to roll down my body. Oh god, William, please say yes, please.

                “I guess that could work,” William replies with a sigh, and sits there for a minute, his cell phone beeping away, “I just texted Gabe to let him know I’m here already,” he says with a sudden squeak. Gabe must have texted him something sweet, or a sext. I’m guessing the latter. Before I know it, he’s out of his car and racing into Decadence to find Gabe to probably fuck him in the bathroom.

                He won’t be back for a while, which is a good for me because all I really want right now is to feel Brendon’s long fingers on every inch of my body and—Oh my god what am I thinking. I’m not usually this much of a whore, I swear. I was a virgin until I was 18, not even by my choosing.

                “So um… Hey,” Brendon grins, and then bites his lip. Oh just fuck it.

                Before I know it, and before my mind can even catch up with my body I’m on top of his lap, biting and licking at any skin I can see in my sight, already feeling myself get hard. “Take your shirt off,” I growl at him, and attempt to rip off his red v-neck off for him. I need more skin _now_.

                “I think William will be looking – fuck, Ry,” his voice chokes out as I bite at his collarbone and then lick it rapidly. “We can’t do this right – Ryan,” he moans out as I palm at his crotch. Everything feels rushed, and feverish, and disjointed but I don’t care.

                “Need you now,” I once again growl out, sliding my other unpreoccupied hand down to the button of his jeans, teasing him over so slightly. My mind is in overdrive, and I’m hard as a rock. He either gets me off, or I’ll do it for him.

                I continue to palm his crotch, and undo his button, his sudden gasp surprising me, his hips surge forward, almost pushing me off his lap from the sheer surprise. I move my hands and wrap them around his neck, then wrap my legs around his waist, grinding into him desperately. I don’t care who can see us, or the crusty feel I’ll have in my boxers afterwards, I just need it _now_ in any way possible. I need _him_.

               I suddenly hear a banging on the car, scaring the shit out of me, making me fall from Brendon’s lap and onto the floor in front of his feet with a giant thud. I groan, and then shake my head, my brown hair gone from any style it might have been. “William’s right outside the window, isn’t he,” I groan, holding my face in my hands, a large blush creeping up on my neck, as I try to settle down my breathing and panting. I was so close already with Brendon. If he can make me feel this way in a car I don’t even know how to imagine what’s going to happen when we take off our clothes.

                “Yeah… But…. We should do that again later, when we have more room, and more time,” Brendon responds his voice raspy, sounding out of breath, and panting, causing me to bite my lip. If William wasn’t here, I would totally suck Brendon off right here, right now. Even his panting is getting me off right now. I want to record this Brendon. He seems completely undone.

                I hear the car door open and brace myself for William’s response.

                “I leave you two in the car for five minutes, and you end up going at it like fucking rabbits. I mean come on, Ryan, you know better to try anything when you don’t have condoms with you,” William shouts into the car, making sure that everyone in the parking lot can hear it. He knows exactly how to embarrass me. I need the blender Brendon gave me to crush my head right now, even though I haven’t even set it up yet.

                “So um… What are you doing out here anyways,” I question him, still on the floor. I like the floor, I can stay here and not face William. I won’t have to go back to Smoothie Hut.  There’s some spare crumbs down here I can eat, and I’ve got great access to Brendon’s – Stop thinking like that, that’s what got you into this position in the first place. “Shouldn’t you be with Gabe and his friends?”

                I feel the drivers’ seat crush me, which means that William must have sat down. I look up Brendon and smile, as I probably look like a fashionable folded up accordion. Brendon rolls his eyes at me, a playful smile on his lips.

                “Well, it turns that out Gabe is into threesomes. Which he may have already been in the middle of when I walked into the bathroom to meet up with him. He even texted me to let me know how excited he was to see him, and that he was waiting in the bathroom for me in the bathroom and had a surprise for me. I guess he thought I was into threesomes. I mean, we only exchanged numbers and all. And it’s not like I didn’t say I was into them, and we weren’t exclusive, but…,” William trails off.  

                “I can get Zack my landlord to beat him up if you would like. He seems fond of me,” Brendon comments, and then looks down at me, “Not in that mind, you animal”

                “Look, I get horny when I get high! Which I am not feeling in the slightest right now,” I pout, and then fold my arms, which results in William’s chair only crashing me further. “Whoever sold you the weed ripped you off. I don’t feel high at all, just as horny as two rabbits during mating season”

                “I bought it from Spencer, so I don’t know what you were expecting”

                “Who’s Spencer,” Brendon questions us, looking confused. He looks cute when he’s confused. Hell, he’s cute all of the time.

                “He’s a really bad pothead who works at Smoothie Hut with Ryan. Funny to believe it, I think Jon and him used to be really good friends,” William comments, leaning his chair back further, and then closing his car door.

                I wince at just the mention of Jon’s name. I shouldn’t be thinking of Jon when Brendon is in the car with me. Brendon is here and Jon isn’t. They are completely different.

                “Who is Jon? Is he a pothead who works at the shop too?”

                I glare at Brendon, and then snap at him, “No, Jon is not a pothead, and he does not work at Smoothie Hut. He never will, and he never has.” I slide out from underneath William’s chair, and sit on the furthest seat from Brendon. I look down at my hands, and I’m suddenly shaking, feeling anger boiling up inside of me. And I don’t know why.

                “Did I do something wrong, Ryan? I’m sorry, I don’t know Jon at all but he—“

                “Don’t mention his name, you don’t deserve to,” I spit back at him with venom. “I’m tired, let’s just go back to our own houses” I sigh and then look out the window, glaring. No amount of Brendon being attractive will take away the fact that I love Jon, and probably will for the rest of my life. And Brendon dirtying his name with his dirty plumb lips kills me.

                I can feel William staring at us both, “Well, alright then, fun while it lasted,” he mumbles, and then starts the car, quickly pulling out of the parking lot.

                Me and Brendon don’t talk for the rest of the car ride home, or even the next day. And I most certainly did _not_ think about him when I jerked off in the shower later that night or the night afterwards. And I most certaintly do _not_ look for him at Smoothie Hut, or skip my nightly routines. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so bad at smut; I apologize if it seems awkward.  
> It's my first ever kinda smut scene.  
> You might get another chapter later today.... Watch out...


	9. Uniforms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You look adorable in that outfit. You should ask Pete if he could wrestle me a matching pair, and then we can go on double dates together, and no one would be able to tell us apart,” William jokes, and then winks. He is such a drama queen, I swear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why the hell not?

 

**Chapter 9: Uniforms**

* * *

                “You really should call him, or text him, and let him know that you aren’t dead or anything,” William spits out with a grimace, and his arms folded, “What you said to him was really rude. He just moved here from California, he doesn’t know Jon at all”

                I rub my temples, and sigh. I guess I was really harsh on him. And to be honest, I still don’t know why I was so angry. Maybe it was blue ball; I don’t know. “If he comes into shop today I’ll talk to him today, alright,” I ask William tiredly and then open the shop. “How do you even know that he moved from California? I assumed that he must be new in town, but I didn’t know for sure” I push the door open, and step inside, the lights automatically turning on. Pete decided to finally commit and get automatic lights. Patrick probably influenced him.

                “While you were asleep – remind me to tell Spencer that the weed he gave me was rank by the way – me and Brendon had to find things to talk about,” Williams says with a shrug, then follows me into the store.

                I put on the now required white and red striped apron, and the matching red and white striped hat. Pete had called me yesterday and told me that he is now making us wear the new uniform so that we look like actual workers instead of just random 20 year olds in eyeliner.

               “You look adorable in that outfit. You should ask Pete if he could wrestle me a matching pair, and then we can go on double dates together, and no one would be able to tell us apart,” William jokes, and then winks. He is such a drama queen, I swear.

               “Oh totally, that would be the perfect outfit to attract guys,” I reply with an eyeroll.

               “Well, you do not need to look for guys, you already have Brendon,” he comments, and then sits on the counter, facing the tables.

               “I don’t really _have_ Brendon per-say. I don’t really know if he still likes me after I flipped out on him in the car two nights ago,” I add, while cleaning the blenders under the sink.

              “Well you’re about to find out sooner than later,” William speaks with an apparent smirk in his voice. I furrow my brow, and return the blenders back to their respective places.

              “What do you mean? He came in around 10 the first time we met, he probably needs a caffeine boost before he goes off to college courses” I question him, and then, bite at my lip in though. Is he even in college? Or in grad school? How old is he? Why did he move from California to Las Vegas? Does he have any brothers or sisters? Is he the only chi—

              “Ryan, stop thinking, and make us stop god damn smoothies. You need something to keep you occupied from obsessing over Brendon,” William snaps at me, interrupting my rambling thoughts.

              I sigh as a response, and get started on a chocolate and banana smoothie for William, and a pina colada for myself. Ever since William walked in on Gabe his mood swings have been up and down. After something like this normally happens he’ll invite ~~force~~ me to come over his place to watch chick flicks and eat a gallon of ice cream. Surprisingly he hasn’t invited me over yet. Maybe he’s already found someone already. I wouldn’t rule it out, a lot of people like William. He’s honest, and would do almost anything for his friends.

             The sound of the store’s door opening interrupts my thoughts and I yell out, “Ignore the female looking male on the counter. I’ll get your order in just a second, I’m just finishing up an another order” I turn off the two blenders I used to mix the smoothies, and pour William’s smoothie into our new logo cups, then put the cap on top. Pete is on a new branding kick for the store, probably once again influenced by Patrick.

             “I do not look like a female,” William exclaims, his feet banging against the wood of the counter. I roll my eyes, and hand him his smoothie. “Thank you, now, I shall be back in a few minutes, I’ll let you do your ‘job’,” he says with air quotes, and then jumps off the counter, quickly gliding out of the front door.

              “I like your outfit,” a voice I immediately recognize as Brendon’s says. I look up at him with a shy smile, my stomach once again full of butterflies. The butterflies were either from him, or the leftover brownies that William forced me to take with me to eat.

              “Yeah, my manager Pete is making us wear us, to make this place seem more like a business instead of a place for rif-raf,” I say with a slight chuckle.

              “Awwww, I don’t think you’re rif-raf. Maybe a rebel, but not rif-raf,’ he adds with a slight smile, while walking towards the counter.

              “Well, thank you for the compliant, but I was actually talking about you and William. This is Las Vegas, but there’s only so much freakiness one Smoothie Hut can take,” I reply, and look away from Brendon as I go to pour my own smoothie into our cups. “Luckily, we don’t normally get customers until nine forty five, so you’ve still got time to run”

             “Why would I run?”

             I shrug, and put the cap on my smoothie, still looking down. He should run after I acted.

             “Ryan, if you’re going to apologize, and feel bad for what happened in the car; don’t. William texted me and let me know why you were so mad,” Brendon whispers softly, and then taps his fingers on the linoleum counter.

             “What did William tell you,” I ask him, playing with the cap on my smoothie. He couldn’t have told him about Jon, could he have?

             “He explained – which was very hard to understand because of how fast he was texting me – that the weed had somehow come in contact with some Eruie, and that it totally wasn’t your fault at all,” Brendon said softly.

             I furrow my brow, not believing this for one second. William must have told him. There was no way that I could have taken Eruie, and not have known it. I’ve heard the side effects are horrible. There is a sudden bang, as the front door is ripped open, and my head immediately goes up, catching Brendon’s chocolate brown eyes.

             “Ross, set up the food right now, you’re running late,” Pete shouts from the door.

             I instantly flinch, crawling directly back into myself, and run into the storage room to get the box of pre-packaged food. I pick up the big brown box, and jog out to the counter.

             “Spencer is coming in in about fifteen minutes to help you out,” Pete’s voice heavy with stress. “By the way, your friend left while you were getting the food,” he once again speaks, but this time he sounds amused, “I’m going to go to call Patrick, to make sure that Spencer is in fact coming” With that, he quickly leaves the store, slamming the door as he goes.

             I watch him go, and then place the box on the counter. I quickly open the box, and start stacking the food into the glass case, getting ready for another day. My thoughts immediately drift to Brendon. I don’t really even fucking know him, and I jumped his bones in the car, ready to dry hump until I was forcefully pulled off his lap. I was like a rabid fucking dog that hadn’t been fixed yet. But, I haven’t even been in a relationship for 2 years. This is a relationship works, right?


	10. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel my cell phone buzzing against my leg, and I quickly pull it out, answering it quickly, without checking the caller ID. “Hello,” I speak into the phone, as I route through a drawer for a plastic knife. 
> 
> “George! I’m so glad that you hadn’t changed your number since we last spoke,” is the first thing is I hear, and I know immediately who it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy FOBversary! Extra chapter for the National Holiday!  
> Please don't hate me for this chapter; tissues will be needed.  
> One more chapter and then we move onto Volume 2! Enjoy!

**Chapter 10: Choices**

* * *

               “Hey, William, answer your god damn phone. Brendon told me that you somehow gave me Eurie, and that’s why I was so pissed with him last night. What the hell, Will? I know for a fact that I didn’t have Eurie, I would have known…..” I sigh, and then start again, “Just call me back, I don’t like knowing what’s going on with my own body,” I spit out, with a grimace, and then quickly hang up.

                Of course William wouldn’t answer; he knows that I’m mad at him. And for good reason as well. He can’t just not tell me that I accidently had Eurie in my system; it’s not right. He didn’t even show up after five minutes like he said he did. He probably knew that Brendon told me and wanted to avoid me.  My stomach suddenly growls, and I let out a large puff of air. I should probably eat _something._ Ever since I met Brendon, I’ve been eating more. I even ate William’s brownies, but it didn’t really fill me. And I’m not going to ask him for more. It might be laced with more Eurie.

                I saunter into the kitchen, and over to the yellowing fridge, hoping that something is at least still edible in there. I open the fridge door, and I’m immediately overwhelmed by what smells like a dead cat. “Nope, nope, nope,” I declare, and then quickly close the fridge door. “Well, looks I’m stuck with a peanut butter sandwich for lunch today” My shift always lasts until around eleven thirty, and it takes me a half hour to walk back from the Smoothie Hut. I used to have a car, but I couldn’t afford it. Smoothie Hut only pays minimum wage, besides tips. Pete has talked about raising the wage, but always comes up with some bullshit excuse that because we got uniforms he couldn’t afford it, etc, etc…  

               Sometimes I’m even surprised that I can even afford this shitty apartment, with its falling apart puke colored green walls. I can barely remember when I started renting out this place. Was too caught up in the grief when Jon died. I was a walking zombie back then. I went to work, came back to my apartment, sat on the floor, and fell asleep on the floor. I felt like that I didn’t deserve a bed after everything that went on with Jon’s death. And I couldn’t buy a bed at that time. The first time William and I met he had come into Smoothie Hut with flyers to hang up because he was selling an old twin bed. I ended up buying it, not even caring that I probably wouldn’t fit on it; it was a bed. I left my old one back at my parents’ house, and I can’t go back to get my stuff. It would hurt too much.

               When my parents kicked me out, my mother said that she would help out with money because I was still her son. I haven’t heard from her in about a year, not even on my 21st birthday. Not that I even cared on my birthday, I went to one of my parties, and passed out. I still can’t fully remember what happened at that party. And I never want to find out what happens on that night, or any other given nights.

                I feel my cell phone buzzing against my leg, and I quickly pull it out, answering it quickly, without checking the caller ID. “Hello,” I speak into the phone, as I route through a drawer for a plastic knife.

                “ _George! I’m so glad that you hadn’t changed your number since we last spoke,”_ is the first thing is I hear, and I know immediately who it is.

                “Hi Mom,” my voice cracking, close to tears, my hands forgetting their journey to find a knife.

                _“Hello, George, it’s been a while.”_

                I nod softly, as if she can see the nod, and the tears getting ready to pour down my face.

                _“I just wanted to let you know that me and your father will be moving next week. Most of our things are packed up, and even though you took a lot of your stuff when you left—“_

                “You and I both know that I didn’t leave, you kicked me out,” I interrupt her, hissing.

                _“Sweetie, you did leave, you left the moment you made the choice to lay with other men. It’s unnatural. You have known for a while that you can come back at any time. That is if you choose to stop living this unnatural lifestyle, and pursue what God intended.”_

I feel my heart drop into my stomach, and that’s when I finally realize after 2 years of denial; I will never see my parents again. It doesn’t matter if they’re moving to just a state away, or just five minutes down the street, I will never ever see them again. They have completely cut me out of their lives. They probably cut me picture out of their family photos, and packed up all of my things in cardboard boxes, with just a simple Ryan scribbled across the box in black bold sharpie. ‘

                “I can’t choose who I love, Mom,” I choke out, as I bite my lip hard enough to draw blood. I can’t give her the satisfaction of knowing that she broke me.

                There is a minute of dead silence, and then her voice appears again, _“I see. Your boxes will be outside on the curb tomorrow. Pick them up whenever you would like. I would prefer it if you picked them up as early as possible, you know how your father gets,”_ her voice cheery and happy, so unlike mine. _“Now if you excuse me, lots of to do, as I’m sure you may know”_

“Yeah… I do know what you mean,” my throat clogging up with tears, “I love you, Mommy” I thought that hearing her voice wouldn’t affect me as much as it did, and bring me back to my childhood. But she was my protector when Dad was drunk, and swinging. She was always there, and defended me. She took the hits for me, whether emotional or physical. But now, she’s no longer my protector, or my defender. She’s the one throwing the punches.

                There is another minute of dead silence. “I hope that you will be happy with your choices, George,” she answers, her voice crisp and clean, with no sign of emotion.

                If only she knew that I wasn’t happy with my choices and I wish that I could change with every atom in my body, but I just can’t. If she knew how unhappy I was, barely managing to make ends meet, she would laugh in my face, and say that it was God’s punishment for how I have acted. “I am,” I croak, feeling a giant lump quickly rise up to the top of my throat. 

                “That is good, George. Goodbye, we’ll talk soon,” her voice once again emotionless, as the click on her side puts the final nail on the coffin. We won’t talk soon.

                It isn’t until now that I can finally collapse onto the floor into a fetal position, my gut-wrenching sobs filling the entire apartment, snot running down my face like Niagara Falls. I am now parentless, and it is killing me. But I’m not an actual orphans. My parents are still out there. They just don’t love me enough. They don’t love me enough to look past who **_I_** love.

                And the worst part is that I wish that I could change, I really wish I could. I had gotten my hands on Eurie, and I had taken it, to see if that could make me like girls more. I just wanted to die, I felt confused. I drank, and drank, and drank, and took dose after dose of Eurie. But it didn’t kill me or change my feelings. All it did was make me throw up profusely. I remember crying into the toilet when I realized that I would never be able to change. I would never be able to change the fact that whenever Jon smiled, it felt like the world was brighter. Or when I would sneak out of my house to meet up with him at a Burger King at 1am, and we would throw fries at each other, and then steal 8th grade kisses. I will never be able to change how I felt about Jon. He was my first love. I still love him. And I don’t think that’s going to be changing, no matter how much I like Brendon. I just—can’t—anymore. I just want Jon.   



	11. Texts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m not sure how long I’ve stayed on the kitchen’s hardwood floor, crying, and puking on myself. I lost count after the first hour. I’ve let every phone call, and text message go ignored. It’s not that I don’t want to answer, because I want to know if William told Brendon about Jon. And I do think that I might need help, and I am still partly hungry. I just think that I can’t physically move. I’ve tried, but I haven’t been able to even move an inch. Not even to scratch my nose.

 

 

**Chapter 11: Hairclip**

* * *

               I’m not sure how long I’ve stayed on the kitchen’s hardwood floor, crying, and puking on myself. I lost count after the first hour. I’ve let every phone call, and text message go ignored. It’s not that I don’t want to answer, because I want to know if William told Brendon about Jon. And I do think that I might need help, and I am still partly hungry. I just think that I can’t physically move. I’ve tried, but I haven’t been able to even move an inch. Not even to scratch my nose.

                I don’t even know why I’m still crying. I’m over it, but it feels like my brain and body aren’t connecting. There’s this massive miscommunication between each other. They both have other ideas. My brain is telling me to realize what is going on, and that I should move, but my nose and throat have other ideas.

                It kinda feels like I’m looking down on myself from above like an out of body experience. Like, there I am, with my arms wrapped myself, with my dark brown hair everywhere, my face completely raw, and my puke covered body. I had read about this before and apparently this happens when you’re about to die. I don’t think I’m about to die though. What an awful death it would be; covered in my own puke, and tears.

                I suddenly hear a pounding on the door, and I’m snapped back into my own body, like a rubber band.

                “Ryan, open the door, or I’ll kick it down,” William barks, obviously pissed.

                “Come on, Ry, me and William don’t want to get arrested for breaking down a door,” Brendon adds, pleading.

                I want to say something, but I don’t think I physically can. And what would I even say if I could? Go away, because I’m in the kitchen covered in puke and tears because my parents officially disowned me? Oh, and ignore the fact that I smell like shit, please.

                “Just try to pick the lock or something, he’s probably just asleep. Do you have a hair clip,” Brendon asks William.

                If I could chuckle, I would. They seem to be getting along quite well.

                “A). Do you honestly think that I could pick a lock, and B). Do you think I’m a girl,’ William asks Brendon, with what I assume is probably his hip cocked to the side.

                “You do look like a female, so I thought that it would be possible”

                “Why can’t everyone stop making fun of me looking like a girl! It isn’t funny! At least I don’t wear eyeliner like Ryan does,” William responds.

                I resent that, William. Eyeliner has been in since 2008 when it was called guyliner, and My Chemical Romance made it famous.

                “He pulls it off. Judging by your protest though, you have one, don’t you?” Brendon asks, his voice low

                There’s there a moment of silence, and then the sound of the lock on the door being sprung open.

                “Look, I learned back in California how to pick locks, I did not learn in prison,” Brendon states, his voice getting closer to my earshot.

                “Well, remind me to invite you when I want to sneak into a concert next time,” William comments, with a laugh.

                I hear the door slowly open, and then I hear footsteps approaching me. I quickly close my eyes, hoping that I don’t have to endure the embarrassment of explaining of why I’m like this. I clench my eyes tighter, when I realize that the footsteps have stopped, and there’s complete silence, except for the sound of the fridge running.

                “We should get him into some new clothes, and get him into bed,” William says, his voice low, his voice calm.

                “I’ll… I’ll get him changed, alright?” Brendon asks, his voice full of misery.

                I didn’t want to cause anyone this.

                “Just—don’t wake him up. He needs sleep”

                “What do you think happened?” Brendon’s voice full of worry.

                My parents just officially disowned me that’s what happened.

                “I honestly have no clue, and we won’t find out until he wakes up, which won’t be for a while,” William sighs. “I’m going to go get some food for us, we’ll probably be here for a while”

                I’ll take a salad, please, no chicken. William, you know what I like.

                “Has this happened before,” Brendon asks.

                “I’ve only known him for a year, but yes, this has”

                It happened last year, on Jon’s anniversary. I told him what happened and how I got completely drunk and wasn’t able to move.

                “Do you think it’s a repeat of that?”

                It’s not—not at all—not even close.

                “I don’t think so,” William whispers. “It would have happened two days if it was”

                “Wasn’t that when me and Ryan met, do you think it was because of me?” Brendon asks, his voice full on panic.

                “No—no—no—no—there’s another reason. I can’t tell you, I think he should,” William adds. “I’ll be back in fifteen with some burgers”

                I hear footsteps walking away, and the door slowly closing. William, don’t get me a burger. You know that I don’t eat meat.

                “Changing you would be a whole lot sexier if you weren’t asleep,” Brendon comments with a chuckle. “But, I can wait. A while actually. Last boyfriend was a couple years ago. Ended badly, didn’t want to date again, because I didn’t want to get hurt. You know, I actually hate smoothies. But I thought that I might as well go meet people, and force myself to eat something healthy. I didn’t know that I would meet a fellow spazz like me, who didn’t like to talk and seemed to be fond of kissing people he didn’t even know the name of”

                There’s a large moment of silence, except for the sound of the fridge, and the steady sounds of our breathing. If anyone was watching my life they would think this was straight out of a corny Young Adult book.

                “I know that you won’t remember any of this, but I have to get it out, because I’m too much of a chicken shit to tell you to your face. Well, your awake face. And I know this is awkward, me just standing here, looking at you sleep, all Twilight like, but this is the best way. I feel like I want to kiss the pants off you whenever I see you – I have been sexually inactive for a while so that was a sexual joke – but I don’t know anything about you, and that scares me. I just,” he pauses, “Don’t want to lose anything that we may have by telling you how I feel. Like, I don’t know if you’re a rush into it kinda guy, and I just… I’m scared,” he finishes, and then sighs softly.

                I struggle to speak, and then finally get out, “Same’. And I’ve felt like I just climbed a mountain, and managed to break a world record. I open my eyes and look over at Brendon’s shocked face, and I’ve just won a silver medal. I struggle to my feet by the grace of something, and I’ve just won a gold medal. That is until my legs suddenly give out and I’m going down, mayday, mayday, we have a problem. I’m bracing myself for the cold and hard impact of the kitchen floor, but it never comes.

                “You really need to tell me before you fall for me, asshole,” Brendon says, much closer than before.

                I look up, and that’s when I realize, that Brendon somehow caught me before I fell to the ground. He might be someone who has ADD who has caffeine running through his veins, but he’s fast enough to catch me, and I’m perfectly okay with that.

                “Come on, let’s go get you changed, you big old baby,” he chuckles, and then presses a kiss to my sweaty forehead, starting to walk into my bedroom.

                I let a slight smile leak from my lips, and instinctively roll my head into the nook of his neck, and close my eyes. This right here is the feeling that I can’t change, the feeling you get when you feel you safe in someone’s arms, and that they’ll never hurt you. The fact that they seem to accept you for all of your faults, no matter what. They are okay with carrying you, and taking care of you when you are at your lowest. And I guess, sometimes, it’s worth losing a parent or two. Even if it hurts immensely.

                I murmur into his neck, “So, Brendon Boyd Urie, I guess it’s time to really meet each other, are you ready?” I feel Brendon shiver.

                “Oh I am so ready,” I hear Brendon say darkly, and then suddenly I’m being thrown onto my bed, all of my pillows going everywhere.

                I pick up a pillow, and then stand on top of my bed, ready for a pillow fight. “Bring, it, on”

                Maybe I want Jon _and_ Brendon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of Volume 1! Volume 2 is called Memories, and the first chapter shall be uploaded soon!  
> I'll be adding the link to Volume 2 in this chapter; thanks so much for the support so far!


End file.
